Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
