wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
