so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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