shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
