Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
