so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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