So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just cut my nipple shaving
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
