You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
