yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
