I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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