I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
