so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
