I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
