Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
