Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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