we made out on top of his cat.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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