"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
