It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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