Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize