matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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