you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
