sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
