omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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