Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm always down for nudity.
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