I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
