My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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