You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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