Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
