I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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