She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
