From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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