Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
