So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
