When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
