xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
