i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
