So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
