So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
