Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
