I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
