last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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