He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
