who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
