birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
