dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
