Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
