just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I cut my penus on the lid.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
