is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
