Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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