she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
