My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
