I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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