I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
