I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
